TGET! (Click here to read)

  • Posted on: 15 November 2014
  • By: Milo

TGET is now TransGalactic ExtraTerrestrial News!

That’s somewhat appropriate for people who work for a government agency. I thought I should change the graphics to spaceships or something with planets, but didn’t come up with any, so I used the next best thing. Everyone likes puppies and kitties! I know…this isn’t Facebook. I’ll work on that.

Active Shooter

First of all, I want to dispel the rumor that while we are locked up in a room waiting for the all-clear, the guards are running through the halls wearing only their tighty-whiteys and pink feather boas. TGET News has verified that no one was wearing their tighty-whiteys in the active shooter drill.
We were also able to obtain a recording of a live conversation between security and a government employee during an actual active shooter incident:

“What is your location?”
“I’m hiding under a desk in a conference room!”
“Where is the conference room?”
“It’s all around me! Oh….I don’t know. I’ll go out and…”
Gunfire
“Close the door!”
“Oh, yeah.
“What type of weapons did they have, and can you give us a description of the shooter?”
“Well, he’s an ‘active shooter’, so I would assume he has a gun. Hold on, I’ll check…”
More gunfire

On the bright side, the new locks on our doors should limit casualties to around two or three hundred...max…

Telework Meeting Protocol

TGET News has a few pointers for you that can make attending meetings while teleworking much more productive and tolerable.

There are three things required to make you a successful telework meeting attender.

First, you need headphones. You don’t want to drop the phone as you doze or start reminiscing about that date you had back in high school. Hmmmm, I wonder whatever happened to…

Next, you need a mute button. There is a good chance you won’t hear your name when they finally get around to your tiny part of the conversation. You can always say, “No, I wasn’t sleeping. I was talking, but this mute button always sticks.” Best to say that casually, like it’s happened before, and it’s no big deal.

Last, and definitely not least, you need a list of acronyms. Out of 10 people in the meeting, there will always be a maximum of three people who are interested in, or even understand, your topic. Throwing out acronyms that nobody knows, will quickly reduce that number to zero. Nobody will ever question or even admit they don’t know what an acronym stands for. They will nod and maybe write it down, but they’ll never get around to looking it up later. Most supervisors have perfected this technique because a good set of acronyms will blur the mind and lessen the chance you will ever be called upon to explain your subject in depth.

You might try the optional pillow. Much softer than the keyboard.

Enjoy your meeting. By the looks of you, you could use a rest!

Fitbit (This week’s TGET health tip)

You know about fitbit? It’s this expensive little pedometer that you can clip on your bra or wear around your wrist. I have the wrist one. The good thing about it is that it will log your steps on your phone or your computer and compare them to your friends. It really works great for a while, until you realize you can never catch those friends, who obviously only walk around all day, and don’t have to work!

You can also use it to log your food consumption. Just remember those little bits of chocolate you eat are just too small to record.

It also records your sleep. I think I’ll go test that...

This Weeks Chart

Remember, charts are put in presentations to make them attractive. Nothing more.

I think this one was used in a PowerPoint presentation, where they said, “Let’s skip to slide 57 and go over the things that affect you personally.” This was slide 56.

Dorothy Award

We can’t give you a heart or courage. We’d give you a brain, but Larry’s using it this week. So, here’s the best we can do, a gold star for doing such a magnificent job this month. I know it’s not a monetary award, or extra time off, but it’s the best we got. Congratulations. Now, get back to work.

When ideas run out, words become very useful.